MIGRAINES HOW I HATE THEM!!!

I have come to experience over the past several years to look at any situation, no matter how horrible it might be and to find something useful that I can use in order to change it to a more positive view. With my migraines I am still struggling with that.

I told someone earlier this week after my migraine on Sunday that it is a good excuse to take your medication have a good bottle of wine and watch a movie that doesn't have too much flash or visual effects in it while it is at a lower volume. But this doesn't really work when you are on the second day of the second migraine for the week and it is 10:00 o'clock in the morning.

So now any other advice I can try to give myself at this time I am still contemplating. I know its out there. Where to look? Anyone who happens on this and has any advice for a more positive outlook when the migraines get to the point that you think they will never go away and the nausea is nauseating, please let me know.

I am frustrated right now with having to live my life around if I will have migraines & seizures or not, and I don't have the freedom to live my life like I did before. I have had four years of this since the accident and now just thinking about this I become sad. I will try this again. It has been four years since the accident changed my life (still crying and sad) and I have healed greatly but still have many limitations.

I can never go out in the sun without a hat low on my forehead blocking most of the light from my eyes so I will not have seizures and all the other symptoms.

I can not go to one of my artist receptions without carefully planning not to go anywhere the next day. Every time I have gone out and about on errands or just gone out, I get a migraine that last a couple of days.

Every time I go in to a building that has air conditioning or heating systems I have to be careful how long I am in there since I will eventually have seizure which can easily lead to migraines.

I can't sit in the audience watching a play since once the applause happens I have seizures.

I have to limit my time in any stimulating environment since I am exposed to seizures too quickly.

Too much cognitive thinking causes seizures and migraines for me.

The list can go on and on.

I did just remember one good thing. Since I can't be out in the sun without exposing my eyes to light I won't get all those nasty wrinkles. Silly I know and probably a boring thing to read about on an artist blog but you wouldn't think it was so boring if it happened to you.

Imagine you are in so much pain and fatigue when you are walking home from the bus stop you are not even sure if you will make it home because you think you might pass out on the street. Imagine you are in so much pain from a migraine that you pass out from it and when you wake up a couple of hours later all you remember is blackness, just blackness and you have never had that experience before. Imagine you are at your own artist reception and a ambulance goes by and the sound of it creates instant seizures and you have to find a quite, dark place for the next 30 minutes, forget talking to anyone who wants to by a piece of your work, it won't happen because your seizures get worse and worse. Imagine it is a stunningly beautiful sunny day out and people are enjoying themselves being outside in the sunshine, forget it not you. Imagine you used to have such a great memory and now at times depending on the situation if I am overstimulated or if I know the environment or not, I walk in to the bathroom at my then day job for one reason only, to use the bathroom, and when I walk in there I forget where I am and why I am there and I become very confused as to what is going on. Imagine you are out for a walk (all these memory problems some people would tell me that would happen to them at times and I would tell them that it never happened to me and I was always so proud of my memory) and all of a sudden look around and not know how I got there or where I was. I had to learn not to panic and just keep walking until I found a familiar place. This would happen even when I later would remember that it was a place I had walked to numerous times before.

Many, many more experiences I have had like these since my accident. I get sad at times. To not even want to go out side of your own home after a migraine for fear of getting one again. I don't want to cry anymore about this and yet it is still there. Sometimes if I have been symptom free (almost) for a couple of days I almost convince myself that it was a nightmare. But something always ends up reminding me that it is my reality, my life. I choose not to dwell on the limitations but this week was a difficult one, an almost continuous migraine.

But every moment I choose to move forward and find a way around my limitations. I am more of thriver then a survivor and I always eventually find a way to make something positive of the situation. Letting go by blogging about it is one way. Painting is another way. And for those things I found I can do well despite my limitations I am grateful for.