Taking charge of things I gave control over to someone else to do

Because of recent situations that have occurred in my life these past couple of months I have had to take on the business part of my art.  What I did not expect was that I could take charge so forcefully and precisely towards further establishing me and my art into and onto the bigger art world stage.

I wrote a business proposal for my work,  which took approximately two weeks to do plus one migraine but I did it.  Technically less four days because of the migraine.  Still managed to produce several new paintings while maintaining other aspects of my business and home.  I did it and with no help from anyone.  I learned how to use certain applications that I had no clue on how to use before and I was able to produce another beautiful piece of work - the proposal.  I should post it on here soon but for now I just want to express how good it feels to take on this part of my career that I never thought I would or could.  Proud of myself I am very much.  

Not only accomplishing writing this proposal but taking on other aspects of my career is helping me to propel myself to the next level of my artistic career.  An unexpected surprise.

The I that I have been is no more

The I that I have been is no more and shall never return.  

The I that I have been is waiting in the wings to submerge to where she needs to go.

The I that I have been is going,  going,  going,  going,  and now gone.

The I that I have been is not needed any more.

The I that I have been is gone and troubled no more.

She is gone.

Empty I might feel but not is what I do.

For now I realize that she is gone and never was needed.

I do not feel sadness or loss.

I do not feel any morning for her since now I know she never was a part of the true me.  She may have been a figment of my mind,  I do not know.  What I do know is that now I am me again.  

I am the me that I always knew I was and am.  I am the me that will always be.

I am the me that is.

Knowing

She sits,  she waits.

Knowing.

Tears fall because of what she knows.

Tears fall because of what she sees.

Tears fall because of what she feels helpless to change.  Knowing that what she sees is not her responsibility or will but always left out of her control,  up to others.  This ashames one that wishes more upon troubled thoughts.  This leaves empty that which no one else can fill yet which all of humanity must try.

Knowing,

knowing that a heart breaks at the will of others

knowing that it is time to let go

knowing that ultimately one can not 

knowing that this is what kills the soul

knowing that it is time to be buried,  for such knowledge is always left out alone in the cold to die

alone knowing

knowing complete sadness

knowing complete loneliness 

how can one breath this last breath with this wisdom set forth with eyes opened too wide,  left out to die

knowing

One wishes not to

Beauty knows,  dares not to tell so others will learn which is only learned from

knowing

Kris Haas

January 29th,  1994

OPEN STUDIO ART PARTY !!!

I had a open studio art party on the 30th of July.  Here is what the invitation that went out to over a 100 people said,  and this is the image that went out with it:

COME SEE KRIS HAAS' ART STUDIO SHOWCASING NEW AND OLD WORKS OF ART.

Come join us for an open studio party to celebrate art,  summer and friends.  Refreshments and snacks will be provided.  There will be an art sale of Kris Haas' work,  so bring your friends and your checkbooks and lets have a party!

No need to R.S.V.P.  If you do have questions or comments please feel free to contact us.

Artist,  Kris Haas,  503.285.0667 or Creative Manager,  Allison Kramer,  503.867.1713.

PLEASE VIEW KRIS' WEBSITE FOR A PREVIEW OF HER WORK..............

www.krishaas.com..............

We hope to see you then!

Let just say that it felt like a coming out party for me.  Coming out as a person completely devoted to her work.  You should see my house.  I don't own a couch anymore since my living room is part of the gallery.  My house is as you would imagine someone having an art gallery in her own house.  

Also a coming out party as in coming out of a darker period in my life and now celebrating life.

There were far more people there then I thought would come which made me happy and proud and I sold more then I thought I would which again makes me happy and proud.

There were also about 6 of us that stayed hanging out till 1:00am on my newly installed slate patio (which was another of my creations that I actually placed all the pieces myself and did quite well physically with it considering some of the pieces of slate were well over a 100 pounds each) and having many of my friends there enjoying the celebration makes me feel as a sign of more to come.  I had never had that many people in my home before and it was a very satisfying feeling to see how everyone felt comfortable enough and thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

I think I shall like to have another soon.

So much art to create from many experiences so little time

So many things I want to experience that I hope I live to be 110 years old.  

1) I want to do 365 Paintings/365 Days.

2) I want to do this pre-stretched canvas sculpture that I have a drawing for and I have had in my head for at least 7 years.  I just need a tall enough ceiling that can handle the 20' height of it.

3) I want to do more colored pencil paintings.

4) I want to write a screenplay.  (ok,  technically it is in the process,  how about I want to finish the screenplay and see it turned in to the movie I know it can be in my head.)

5) I want to do an installation piece that came about when I was doing my "Into The Interior" series,  where if you could imagine yourself being a little tiny bug inside blades of grass and feel the awesomeness of the birthing of spring that it completely makes the feeling of time stopping and every moment from then on feels like it is an eternal beautiful moment one after the other.

6) I know I should put in that I want to do my "Crucifixion of the Feminine" exhibit but I don't have to want that since I know it is happening.

7) I want to experience painting the feelings of love.

8) I want to paint huge abstract large scale paintings in my soon to be new studio (the one in my head) that will bring tears of joy and beauty to people's eyes.

9) I want to make a peach pie.  I know that sounds silly but my neighbor was over to use my oven and he had a blackberrie and pear vegan cobbler he needed to bake since there oven was not working.

10) I want and am becoming the greatest artist I know how to be by being a never ending conduit for the expression of creativity.  

ISWHATISWHATIS

This was a title to an exhibit I did a little over five years ago.  Something that came to me not by randomness but because I drew it to me for a need to explain.  Explain what.  That is the question.  Why is it so necessary to explain anything.  Why can't things just be there own existence in the moment that it is and to experience it without words.  Words get in the way of letting yourself go in to that experience.

I ask anyone out there if they think they have the ability to explain the piece I am putting on here in words what experience I went thru to be able to draw what I did,  then so be it.

Could any one person ever understand where true artist go in there mind

I can go to places where no one would ever dare travel in there mind and yet when it happens to me I choose to be there to experience the depths of whatever the feeling or experience might truly be.

It is hard to explain what happens to me when I am there and hopefully I can over time.

I feel as if I travel to not another dimension but another reality.  I dare to let myself feel what I need to feel in hopes that I can explain it to others who might be daring enough to listen.  I do this because I must.  I do this because I want to be and progress towards more than my previous existence.  Because I know I am a part of something that is greater then any one thing.  Because I know from previous experiences that.................................

On this matter I believe it is now your choice to start your path.

I sit here with trying to figure out what words to say but I know that is not necessary now.

Loving being an artist

I love being an artist. 

Most people who do not create full time or who might have full time jobs working in fields other then artistic endeavors probably would think that this statement of course would be easy to state since artist do what they want to do.

I say this because it is true but what is not understood by non artist is that you are not always creating or doing "what you want to do."  Many times just as it is in "regular jobs" you do what you have to do to get the job done.

My 30 Paintings/30 Days series may have taken only 30 days to create,  there was a lot of framing involved after the fact that I only now just completed.  Do I want to be framing as much as I did for this series,  no.  Did I need to in order to compliment the piece and show it off in the best way possible for them to sell,  yes.

There is always the promoting end of your work as well.  This can take far more time then you or anyone could have imagined.  I never realized how much is involved until needing to do it.  In a standard day job is this necessary,  depending on the job but thinking about the last day job I had it was not needed.  I have never had to work as much at any job as I doing being an artist.  It is the hardest thing I have ever done because it is all up to me.  But I have only recently come to realize that that can be a relief.  Things are in my control and I know that not only am I the creator of my work,  I am the creator of my life.  

I choose the creativeness of being an artist.  What would you choose???

With well over 50 submissions sent.................

Well over 50 submissions have been sent out and the most common response so far has been "We love your work but it is not the right fit with our gallery at this time."  Everyone that has returned a SASE has been quite kind and one even encouraged me to keep sending out submissions because he thought my presentation was excellent.

With this said,  it does not bother me.  I know I will find the right fits and only about 20% have been returned.  The real scary thing is that what if I got more galleries wanting my work then I can handle.  Is that not a silly thing to think about.  I have been neglecting my work since I have been focused on submissions and scouting locations for my "Crucifixion" exhibit.  It always makes me a little on edge if I don't produce new stuff.  I have been re-finishing pieces that were neglected while at various locations.  From that experience I won't be hanging in locations that all it seems about is covering there walls.  I am to the point that it needs to be in front of collectors since that is how I view my work,  collectable.

I feel different when I create.  More real.

Sitting here with nothing to say and everything to say

I sit here thinking I need to say something because that is why I started this blog.  It seems as of late that I have not said much on here and I know it is because I am saying it in other ways. 

In the submission process it feels as if so much of your focus goes in to making sure everything is in order and everything is done in such a proper way that there is no room for error.  I realize this takes so much more of my energy.  Is it because it is different then the creative process which I am so used to,  partially.  Is it because I am going thru a process of expressing myself in a medium different then I ever imagined,  I think so.  So in a way I am giving birth to a new creative process in me and deliveries can be exhausting.  In the birth of something new it is always important to be ever present,  to be completely committed to the moment in order to understand what it is you are birthing.  What will this new entity be like.  How do I give it the love and support it needs and how do I in the same moment stay to myself and my truths.

I guess there is only one way to find out.  To experience that which I have not.

100 Artist Submission Packets. What Are You Crazy???

Yes that is what I am doing.  Brain fry,  fuzzy brain.  That is what I have now. Is it from thinking about sending all those packets.  NO.  It is from actually doing it.  OK they have not technically all gone out but they are in the process.  By end of next weekend it will all be done.  What a gamble some may say,  I say not.  What an amazing experience to actually go thru.  The intent and focus is no where (mostly) except getting it done.  I have never done anything quite this ambitious so I look at it as things to come.  It will be a warm up prepping for the future.  

It feels like I am Into The InBetween.  The same InBetween I talk about in my artist statement from October of '06.  This is a little different though,  in the way that it is more a physical placement of my reality changing instead of a meta-physical changing reality.  I am in the InBetween place between my past life and my future one that seems to be rushing towards me. I look forward to it and the closer I get the more I know I will be OK with all of the future experiences that will be so different from my past ones.  I pause for a moment thinking about this and taking the beauty of it in with a smile and tears of joy in my eyes.   

Blog for Crucifixion of the Feminine

Please visit my blog for my exhibit titled Crucifixion of the Feminine at:

http://www.crucifixionofthefeminine.blogspot.com/

10 Things I Am Grateful For

10- My computer and the person who did all the updates. Thank-you Steve.

9- My updated site as well as the beginning of the site for Crucifixion of the Feminine ( I now own the domain name) and the person responsible for the updates. Thank-you Mark.

8- My animals for understanding getting kicked out of my bedroom last night so I could get a solid night sleep without them all snuggled around me crowding me like I am there mother. I know, I know in some ways I am, their spiritual mother. Thank-you Picasso, Satine, Khatia, Sebastian, Jackson, Alex Kitty, and Michealangelo.

7- My creative manager and the fact that she is finally back from Japan and that I could not have gotten half of the stuff I have gotten done without her. Thank-you Allison.

6- My naturopathic doctor for being as good as she is and with further progression of healing on my brain injury. Thank-you Dr Scopes.

5- That I have had the opportunity to gain insightful wisdom and knowledge from people I have met along the way and that they are who they are in the beauty of themselves. So many names to thank but you all know who you are.

4- For being the artist that I am and the choices I have made. Thank-you Kris.

3- My family. Even though some of there actions may not have appeared at times to be loving in a supportive way toward who I am I have come to realize that if it were not for there actions the way that they happened I would never have been able to be the strong person I am and to see an opposite view point of my own in order to help me make better choices in my life for me. Plus I never would have the insightfulness necessary in order to do my up and coming BIG exhibit. HUGE! Thank-you Mom, Dad, Karen, David, Dale, Kathy.

2- My friend and sometimes lover Dave for helping me to experience and understand the value of adventures and how beautiful life can be. Thank-you Dave.

1- That there is a Universe that conspires with me and gives me what I want. Thank-you Universe!!!!!!

So full of it on previous post

I love having a sense of humor. When in the moment laugh.

My lovely assistant Allison (she is more then just what you would imagine an assistant she is a creative manager of my art and career, I just love saying "my assistant" satisfies the ego, makes me feel important). I digressed too long forgot what the rest of the sentence was suppose to say after Allison. BTW here is her site, amazing work. http://www.allisonkramer.com/

Anyway, I am getting my website updated and I will be adding 4 new galleries and we will be giving the pages a fresh new look and well as (can I have a drum roll please) the very first page of the "Crucifixion of the Feminine" site. I have never been more ready in my life to hit the national scene. YYYYAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO

WATCH OUT WORLD HERE I COME!

Old picture of me.

Website Updates Coming Soon

As the title states "website updates coming soon." Need more info, too bad.

Ron Athey performance First Thursday

I saw the most amazing performance by artist Ron Athey that thoroughly blew me away while keeping me silent with the experience for several hours. When I got home I did not want to turn a radio on or watch a movie to unwind, I just wanted to finish experiencing his performance. It left me speechless with tears in my eyes and glad that I had the opportunity to see it and to be alive.

The whole atmosphere of the environment that his performance and the others before him was in completely transformed the reality of the experience. It gave me insight as to approaching atmospherically what I need to do for my "Crucifixion" exhibit.

Here is a link to the presenters for the live art happening. I highly recommend visiting it. I don't have anything really left to say other then it isn't about words, you really have to physically experience this with your body. http://www.2gyrlz.org/presentations/index.html

To Define Or Not To Define That Is The Question

I was having one of many conversations in my head today (which if normal for everyday) when one particular interesting one stood out. Thinking about my sexuality I was discussing with someone (an actually real live person that wasn't physically there) about the nature of my sexuality. And in doing so I told this person that to define something the more limited your world becomes and the less you define something the more unlimited and bigger it becomes.

It is a way of saying that you call someone a heterosexual the more limited you see them and you think you know about there sexuality. If you say you are sexually fluid then it does not limit your thinking as much or the person whom you told it to.

I believe we define ourselves and others far too much and it allows too much control over our thinking and what we do and how we see others. I think it would be interesting if for one day everyone on the planet would not speak, not use words to communicate. I think it would be a very different planet and it could possibly be for the better and that would benefit us all.

Meet a very good friend of mine

I would like to introduce to you a very good friend of mine that I have known for over 15 years. His name is Dave. We have had many, many adventures together in exploring and experiencing who we are as human beings as well as artist.

I recently asked if he might like to contribute something to my blog and I believe his response was:

Your blog is really fun! I would LOVE to contribute something, but I'd want to write something new...I always get horny this time of year, too, and I always always get horny when I even think of you, my goddess of eros.

Here is a drawing I did of him a few years ago (rather handsome isn't he) along with a colored pencil painting about an experience I had with him. The title of the colored pencil painting is called "Lover's First Kiss." As someone said to me once "that must have been some kiss."

Into The Mind of An Artist

I feel as if at times more so recently that I have become a bit of a poet. I am understanding the heightened sense by the imaginative treatment of experience with a condensed use of language that is more vivid and intense than ordinary prose. I see it in what I read for research for my exhibit I am putting together.


This I did late last night:

This thick book drew me to itself a few minutes ago. I do not know why as of yet. Write I must but about what yet I do not know.
I am in the corner of my bedroom. Picasso is to my left, Satine to my right, Sebastian to my SW.

A poem.

I sit here waiting for the words.
The words sit waiting for me.
They are them, I am me.
We wait. We both wait together. The spark of the momentarily release is what we wait for.
The words and I are the same at times. We both wait for that same recognition that the Other - we at times envy - comes to us at our side. We wait for the Other.
The Other knows this. The Other knows that we know of it's existence and laughs while being troubled towards us.
The Other is troubled because the other knows it is flawed and is confused because the Words & I want so desperately what the Other has but does not have since the Other seeks with the same envy what we do.
We all wait for the Self.


I sit here calmly and almost motionless. Enjoying pen to paper with little else determination other then to plainly sit and write.
Maybe, at times it is the simple and extravagant act of putting pen to paper, seeing black lines (that any other society would see as symbols on cloth) that convey the simplest of meanings and the most complex of ideas, black lines on white paper. So simple since this act took millions of years of evolution to become fully realized.
I grow tired now.
Goodnight.

MIGRAINES HOW I HATE THEM!!!

I have come to experience over the past several years to look at any situation, no matter how horrible it might be and to find something useful that I can use in order to change it to a more positive view. With my migraines I am still struggling with that.

I told someone earlier this week after my migraine on Sunday that it is a good excuse to take your medication have a good bottle of wine and watch a movie that doesn't have too much flash or visual effects in it while it is at a lower volume. But this doesn't really work when you are on the second day of the second migraine for the week and it is 10:00 o'clock in the morning.

So now any other advice I can try to give myself at this time I am still contemplating. I know its out there. Where to look? Anyone who happens on this and has any advice for a more positive outlook when the migraines get to the point that you think they will never go away and the nausea is nauseating, please let me know.

I am frustrated right now with having to live my life around if I will have migraines & seizures or not, and I don't have the freedom to live my life like I did before. I have had four years of this since the accident and now just thinking about this I become sad. I will try this again. It has been four years since the accident changed my life (still crying and sad) and I have healed greatly but still have many limitations.

I can never go out in the sun without a hat low on my forehead blocking most of the light from my eyes so I will not have seizures and all the other symptoms.

I can not go to one of my artist receptions without carefully planning not to go anywhere the next day. Every time I have gone out and about on errands or just gone out, I get a migraine that last a couple of days.

Every time I go in to a building that has air conditioning or heating systems I have to be careful how long I am in there since I will eventually have seizure which can easily lead to migraines.

I can't sit in the audience watching a play since once the applause happens I have seizures.

I have to limit my time in any stimulating environment since I am exposed to seizures too quickly.

Too much cognitive thinking causes seizures and migraines for me.

The list can go on and on.

I did just remember one good thing. Since I can't be out in the sun without exposing my eyes to light I won't get all those nasty wrinkles. Silly I know and probably a boring thing to read about on an artist blog but you wouldn't think it was so boring if it happened to you.

Imagine you are in so much pain and fatigue when you are walking home from the bus stop you are not even sure if you will make it home because you think you might pass out on the street. Imagine you are in so much pain from a migraine that you pass out from it and when you wake up a couple of hours later all you remember is blackness, just blackness and you have never had that experience before. Imagine you are at your own artist reception and a ambulance goes by and the sound of it creates instant seizures and you have to find a quite, dark place for the next 30 minutes, forget talking to anyone who wants to by a piece of your work, it won't happen because your seizures get worse and worse. Imagine it is a stunningly beautiful sunny day out and people are enjoying themselves being outside in the sunshine, forget it not you. Imagine you used to have such a great memory and now at times depending on the situation if I am overstimulated or if I know the environment or not, I walk in to the bathroom at my then day job for one reason only, to use the bathroom, and when I walk in there I forget where I am and why I am there and I become very confused as to what is going on. Imagine you are out for a walk (all these memory problems some people would tell me that would happen to them at times and I would tell them that it never happened to me and I was always so proud of my memory) and all of a sudden look around and not know how I got there or where I was. I had to learn not to panic and just keep walking until I found a familiar place. This would happen even when I later would remember that it was a place I had walked to numerous times before.

Many, many more experiences I have had like these since my accident. I get sad at times. To not even want to go out side of your own home after a migraine for fear of getting one again. I don't want to cry anymore about this and yet it is still there. Sometimes if I have been symptom free (almost) for a couple of days I almost convince myself that it was a nightmare. But something always ends up reminding me that it is my reality, my life. I choose not to dwell on the limitations but this week was a difficult one, an almost continuous migraine.

But every moment I choose to move forward and find a way around my limitations. I am more of thriver then a survivor and I always eventually find a way to make something positive of the situation. Letting go by blogging about it is one way. Painting is another way. And for those things I found I can do well despite my limitations I am grateful for.

Minimalist Pattern paintings

I just wanted to see what this piece would look like on here. Soon I will be having my website updated and new links from here to there and back again.

Hip hip hooray!

There Is A Baby In My Belly........

This passage is from one of my many journals (and I do mean many ) that I had written last June when I was going through the coming realization of the "Crucifixion" exhibit and how bringing that to fruition was going to have a breaking down of some of my personal barriers. To actually see these words now in front of me on my screen verses in my books has a rather numbing effect. Something I did not expect and something I must do. Writing in blogs can seem bland, books are easier because no one may ever read them until you are gone. Writing before you brings tears to my eyes because it is so much more immediate and raw in a format that could reach millions of people. You don't think about these things when you are writing on paper in a book, numb am I now.......... So exposed.


There is a baby in my belly. The baby is me being reborn. The birth of a new creation is unique and unwise. Unwise only to patriarchs that can see this as a threat to a new and different life. For fear reigns in there bellies constantly creating constant new fear. Fear is unwise and necessary only to the point of remembrance. Remembrance of unique fear can only remind us of what is possible.
Love and acceptance.




FYI- This passage came about when I started to realize the importance my "Crucifixion" exhibit will have and the fear inside me came out to a strength I am glad to know I have. I cry now.

Quote by Agnes DeMille to Martha Graham-

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is; nor how valuable it is; nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate YOU. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction; a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.



Do I hear an AMEN!

Doernbecher-Claudia Swanson Chapter

I donated a piece of one of my recent paintings from the series 30 Paintings in 30 Days, #2.

This is the third year I have done this and the feeling of donating one of my paintings in order to make money for a charity just gets better and better. Below is is the little insert that went along with the piece. The piece is above.



This is the third year that I have been invited to donate one of my original oil paintings to the Friends of Doernbecher, Claudia Swanson Chapter and with a great amount of pleasure I have tried to pick out the right piece again in hopes that it will raise as much money as possible. As an artist I always try to be fresh and original with my work with much the same eye and awe of a child's. As children have a whole world of possibilities before them so to do I when I approach a blank canvas. You have before you an endless world of possibilities. When sickness or ailment occurs a child might end up seeing the world before them differently. More challenging or limited. I hope that whatever change this piece of art will be a beautiful and positive experience on them for the rest of there lives. Much like the awe that special little creatures we call children have on our own lives.


Kris Haas
March "08

30 Paintings in 30 Days

30 Paintings in 30 Days. Yep thats what I did for most of the month of January. It was actually 31 days but I was told that it still counts considering I had three partially finished paintings in the series that did not quite make it since they needed more time or something like that and I had a bad migraine that stopped me for two days. Excuses, excuses. Poor as they are I still feel proud of my achievement. These were not small paintings either. Many were 20"x16", at least 4 were 24"x48" and many in-between.

I did not set out to do this. Here is how it happened.

I blame this on my cat named Jackson as in Jackson Pollock. I have many animals named after artist- A Picasso, Michelangelo (I call him Angelo), and Leonardo Da Vinci, otherwise known as Leo. Last summer when I temporarily was very low on funds for medium for my paints and had not painted for what seemed like an eternity but was maybe a couple of weeks, Jackson came to me at my desk while I was in front of my computer and did his cute little brutish boyish thing he does with his paws stance in front of him while he is sitting and does a louder then normal MEOW. That definitely caught my attention because he was more insistent then ever. I remember looking at him and thinking-"Jackson, Jackson Pollock, Jackson Pollock house paint, I have a lot of house paint I could use in place of the medium." Lets just say that the way in which my persistent cat plus the combination of what came after was too imperative to ignore. So of course I go to my studio and start to work on a painting already in progress and proceed to use the house paint I had been using more as stands for larger pieces to stand on then for anything else. I started becoming the chemist. Mixing oil paint with house paint along with some other miscellaneous mediums that I still had a little of. I used this technique on one of the paintings that will be part of the "Crucifixion" series and 4 new pieces.

About six months later with the cash flowing again but different circumstances as to being stalled again working in my studio, this time it was a heat and not drying quickly enough. I was growing a little frustrated because I so wanted to work but was not able to with the original technique I was back to doing since I had more of my regular medium to use again. Just imagine the same scenario with Jackson doing the same thing he did six months earlier with almost the exact same amount of intensity and voila, I have 30 paintings 30 days later.

The medium changed. I used much less oil paint on these paintings so they were able to dry considerable faster. By my third painting on the second day I decided to see if I could produce 30 paintings in 30 days. I had read in the fall on craigslist in the artist section about someone putting together an exhibit of artist who where willing to collaborate in doing the 30 paintings thing. I believe though the sizes were limited to 8"x8" (??). Because I like to challenge myself and since I know I am much more limited in areas where I was able to challenge myself before because of my head injury I felt excited about this challenge since I felt as if I could go through with it. Having only one migraine was acceptable since before when I worked in the environment that I did for a few years for income I would get anywhere from 2-4 a month.

It was also an interesting experience in the way of challenging yourself with the art you create to be extremely consistent with the constancy of producing everyday. If I was not able to create a piece on any given day then I knew I would have to make up for it. I find that knowing my work habits and limitations due to my injury really requires a sense of completely being in tune with yourself. In some ways it reminds me of when I would do bodybuilding competitions and I always had to be and keep aware of everything going on with every part of my body.

I also seemed to be less the critic of myself and my work since it was not about how good or bad the work might have been, it was more about producing and still retaining originality in the work. I feel I completed this undertaking with the utmost care and love with my work.

I am so happy and proud and excited that I could push myself artistically this way and have new work to show for it.

Above are a few samples from this series:

Art Walks????????

I did an art walk this weekend in the SE area of my town. I was not sure what to expect since I had never done one before. I had received an email form one of the partners of the boutique that participates in the art walk, about a month ago and decided to go for it. Two days after the weekend and I still feel mentally drained. I have not had the experience since my injury four years ago, to challenge myself in this way, and I am grateful for the opportunity but I don't believe I will do it again.

I got some exposure, which is great, sold a couple of pieces, which is great, but that is not the direction I want to go with my work. The other person exhibiting with me does a lot of these types of venues for selling his work since he does not want to do the gallery thing because he does not think it is fair they take 50% of sales. I always look at it as I tell them my price and then they add 50% not the other way around.

What seems a little puzzling (not really, maybe more stupid then puzzling on the lack of insight this person has) that the difference between an art walk, where you are there for the weekend say a total of 10 plus hours, you sell one piece, (that is what this person sold) the boutique takes 30%, there was no advertising, no mailers to send out to potential clients, no reputation of what a gallery can bring, no refreshments (snacks and wine or beer) and definitely not the same traffic a reputable gallery can bring. Any (even partially ) decent gallery that has been around for at least five years (same amount as the above mentioned boutique) will not only have the clientele that would purchase your work, for far more then you could possibly sell it on the side walk but that you do not have to invest nearly the amount of time to put everything together as you would with an art walk setting.

I do not want to pursue this venue since I am going much larger with my work as far as the direction it will take me. While I do appreciate the experience of what I went through it is not me.

Above is one of my recent paintings that I showed at the art walk.

AS IS # 21

"Crucifixion of the Feminine"

"Crucifixion of the Feminine" is the title of my exhibit that I have had floating around in my head for several years now and until a year ago I did not realize the magnitude and the ramifications that it will have. I have recently been making certain connections that will help propel it forward and the people I have been talking with seem to have the same bubbling underneath the surface excitement I have. Taking an idea from its infancy to fully know that it will happen brings beautiful tears to my eyes. I feel as if I have had and will continue to have a great deal of support for me and this project and for that I am eternally grateful.

I am proud of myself that I am sticking with my word and following through with the exhibit.

There will be much more on this as the weeks and months go by but for now I will leave the outline for the exhibit here:




Crucifixion of the Feminine
Exhibition Proposal for Kris Haas



Exhibition Summary:



Proposed Exhibition Title: The Crucifixion of the Feminine



Artists:

Kris Haas
Kris Haas@mac.com
503.285.0667
http://www.krishaas.com


Allison Kramer
allison.kramer1@gmail.com
http://www.allisonkramer.com



Exhibition Description:


“Crucifixion of the Feminine” is a mixed-media exhibition concept,

with the majority of the work from Kris Haas, along with photographs

created by Allison Kramer under the direction of Kris Haas. The show

consists of approximately 40 pieces; 2 large collages, 14 photographs, 24

paintings/panels. The exhibition concept also call for an open forum

performance with readings and testimonials from invited guests and

participants inside the exhibit.


In addition to the art exhibit, the concept call fro a web-site

component where it would build awareness, facilitate conversations and

narrative-formation around the exhibits theme, and, with the help of

visitors, generated a dialogue that responds the question raised by the

“Crucifixion of the Feminine” exhibit. “What would the social psyche be

like if the feminine spirit was allowed to be honored and celebrate with

the equality of the masculine.”



Themes:


“Crucifixion of the Feminine” examines the absence of the feminine

in Christian mythology and theocracy. Through the artwork of Kris Haas,

the Christian Cross becomes a layered funeral shroud that covers up the

earlier human pro to-myth of regeneration as a feminine power. In

examining the crucifixion story “crucified, dead, and buried,” was

raised “on the third day,” not as a crucifixion of a godhead to ransom

back humanity from sin, but as a story of how the feminine, inherent in

humanity, was displaced as a fiver of eternal life by a theocracy that

turns its back on its natural biological heritage.


In collaboration with photographer Allison Kramer, Kris Haas will

produce a series of staged photographs showing the figure on the

crucifixion cross as one of feminine spirit. The visual narrative

presupposes the mythical figure of the crucified Christ as the usurpation

of the feminine power granting rebirth through death, and the Crucifixion

event becomes a point where the theocracy removes the power of rebirth

from the feminine power and claims power of the natural process of

regeneration.

In the aftermath of the artistic examination, the art provides a

context for dialogue for women and men who have experienced living a

life where the feminine aspect of there sex is denigrated and suppressed.

Kris Haas speaks of her own experience, and her interpretation of the

repression within a masculine-dominated belief system and family life.

Through the presence of a public forum and internet message

board, women and men will talk about their own story, and read the

stories of others. At the same time the art grants an environment where

the sacred feminine is recognized for its power of hope, unity and

redemption, while the power of the eternal life through reincarnation is

de-constructed from a dominating theocracy and re-placed back into each

of us.

"Into The InBetween"

“Into the Inbetween”




Where the silence of the moment lies

The place that holds no known boundaries

The place where judgments do not exist

The place that defines you and not

The place bridging the gap between who we are and who we are becoming

The place you can go to to be safe in who you are and secure with the constant knowing that it will always be there when you need it. It is always constant with what you want even when you forget its existence


“Into the Inbetween” I slip uncovered and open

The place I go to in the act of creation





Kris Haas
October ‘06

Bliss

Progressing Forward With My Art Career

Plain and simple it just feels good to always be moving forward with my art and my career as an artist. It truly is a great life. Great in the sense that it is always up to me how much I want or don't want to put into it. I always find it funny now days when I look on the Portland Craigslist under artist and to see the whining of the anti-RACC, anti-art person and all of the other comments that follow. It appears that many of these so called artist have no clue as to what it takes to be a professional artist. When I say "professional" I don't mean commercial, I mean some one who has dedicated there life to there art and making a full time career out of it, or not. Many up and coming artist that whine about the art scene are doing so because they have not had many opportunities to be able to show or sell there work. They seem to think just because they put paint to canvas or snap a few pictures that it is art worth someone's investment of time and money to purchase or support or promote. The ego gets in the way far to many times at this point. I do not feel these type of people are true artist. They are wannabees, or better put whhiinnnabeees. The world is full of too many of these types. The work is the important thing and any artist that has stuck with it for any length of time knows this to be true.

I myself can't go for more then a few days without working. It is like breathing to me.

I am glad that now I am in a place to handle most anything that can come my way with my work. Even if things were to start taking off even faster then they are now I know I would be able to handle everything coming my way. My assistant mentioned to me before the holiday's that there are a few steps I need to take first but that when everything will be breaking wide open (and it feels like it is very soon) (so scary to actually admit that out in the open, oh my god/goddess-I believe in equality among the worshiping of the deity's) that it will happen fast because I do have soooo much work. It feels extremely satisfying to say this. I love being prolific. And anyway I get to add a new word to my everyday vocabulary. PRROOOLLIIIFIICC. Say it now. PROLIFIC!

The Depths Of Hell Where I Have Been

You experience the void of where I have been and it does not exist.

You experience the want you have and it does not exist.

You experience the need you have and it does not exist.

What does exist is the memory of the need, the want, the void.

I cry on wanted shoulders. I cry on shoulders that do not want. The wanting cries on shoulders.

Crossroads are where I am at and feels as if my existence has been here too long. I grieve for my crying, I grieve for my cryings wanting, I grieve for my cryings wanting to know there is less sadness worth crying for.

Why do I grieve so now? The now is wanting to know. The now knows. The now is jealous of the know.

There is another baby in my belly. This baby is weaker. This baby hides. This baby is scared and wants to run and hide. She is gone. Nothing, nothing more to say of her of her that runs and hides.

She is there. She is over there, and here? Not sure. She wants to place herself here and there in the existence of man and yet is puzzled why the wanting of such a menial task.

She places herself as she sees she must, here and there and everywhere and yet she is able to catch herself and wonder why???

Is this something she feels is thrust upon her from the himself masculine trait. Confusion reigns in her belly, in her legs, in her heart, her head and becomes confused for the senseless actions and feelings that she has been consumed by. This when she knows it is non of the above since it is becoming neither and both.

When does the she become the I and we that is able to move past the severe remembrance of the great pain inside. The great pain inside that she is so so so so so afraid to show. Will this remembrance of pain that she thought may have left her, ever be gone? Is she chosen to keep this. The why is the question and not. There is always the question.

There is always the question. This I know without a doubt. What aches my heart sooooo much at this time to write these past pages is that of this time I truly do not feel-truly- any love for me other then my own. My heart brakes now.

The void is there now.

Moments later-still struggling-focusing on the opposite to different aspects in the room. So tired now. So tired. Dreams of being tired last night.

She chooses to confront the masculine and knows it is the father. It is the father in her mind and sky. It is the father above. She ask why? The father says "because you have been chosen!" The she is afraid. The she that knows she is he and he is above and below she. He is that which she is not and is. Too SIMPLIFIED. YOU/I know better then that.

Empty now-that is what I feel. Exhaustion as well. Confusion. Not sure where to go. No human arms to go to, this I grieve for.

The beauty of tears running down the face.

I AM JUST FEELING.



Monday, February 4th, 2008

I have not wanted to look at the previous passage from several days ago until now. The now only prompted me to look because of an artist site that I was on. The artist is allowing herself the beautiful raw exposure of expression no matter how painful. This scares me to do it in the publics eye other then my painting and yet I know I must. I feel as if in this lifetime I have lived thousands of lives and it can be overwhelming.

Scared am I to be thought a fraud if I did not expose myself as deeply-no scared am I of feeling all that I have kept subdued-yes. I feel as if I might never return if I do.